I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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