That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
