You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
