no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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