I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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