Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
