Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
