The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
