who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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