you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
