I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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