I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
