The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
