I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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