your room smells of hookers.
And success
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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