I've blown a few things in my day
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
