That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
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It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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