I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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