Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
