I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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