I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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