forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
