he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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