Yo dont text me then not text me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
