to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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