ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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