Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
