Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
