Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
