Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
