She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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