I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
