What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
