Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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