Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
