I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
