seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
