apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
