there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
