do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
