I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
