I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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