but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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