I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
