Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
