This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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