onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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