i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
