this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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