Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
