wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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