If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
