Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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