well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
