But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
