You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
