its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
