Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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