I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
