you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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