Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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