You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
