What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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