I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
