At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
