Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
