she looked like the bat from fern gully.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
