Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
