I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
