omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
