Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
