I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
