You're so nebulous sometimes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
