I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
