Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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