There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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