Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
porn star boner night. come get it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
