I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
