He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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