Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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