I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
