we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
