he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize