Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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